Let's go star tripping...

The fear of commitment disappeared and for a moment, I longed for a static connection. I was excited about the thought of engagement and long-term relationships. I’m finally falling out of that and transitioning into something more solitary. The adjustment period of graduating from college and moving across the country, away from my friends and family, has been grueling. It has given me the opportunity to motivate myself to do what I want to do, rather than to fall into dreaded routines. Fruit fasting, tea drinking, grad school searching, and yoga all remind me of who I was five years ago. I’m happy I’m in that free-spirited place again. I am the person I have always wanted to be.

Jun 28
Tricked into a short-lived episode of lust and romanticism.
Jun 28


What is love?

I love Poussey

(Source: zaynslaugh)


♥allah Blog♥
Jun 28


♥allah Blog♥

Discontent with my current situation. I want to give up and move back home. Doing this alone is really hard. I haven’t cried since I’ve been here, even though I deserved to do so. I have no real personal space until the after work, and even then I get belittled by people that I barely know.

"You have a mean face" and a few other phrases were thrown at me tonight, and I took them to heart. I miss the people that thought I was beautiful and told me regularly. I miss familiarity and freedom.

Jun 14

"Sometimes life is very mean: a person can spend days, weeks, months and years without feeling new. Then, when a door opens - a positive avalanche pours in. One moment, you have nothing, the next, you have more than you can cope with."

-  Paulo Coelho (via its-salah)

(Source: psych-quotes, via epiphanyofthedystopia)

Jun 14
Jun 14

(Source: sillyenfp)

My heart is heavy today as I remember the life of an inspiring, faith-inducing human being. Colin, not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. I broke down on the job today - someone asked what motivated me to do the MCC, and while there were other factors, you certainly played a special role in my decision-making process, even more so after your death. I am trying hard to live by your word and to follow your path. It’s difficult, though. You will always be my role model. I am thankful for everything you taught me, and I am still learning from you each and every day. Today was hard, and tomorrow will be harder. I must remember my purpose, and what I came to Montana to do. I am now realizing this is bigger than myself and what I left behind. I have an opportunity to impact others just as you have and still continue to do. I strive to be the pure, happy soul you are. I know you’re dancing somewhere. I can’t wait to dance with you. Until then, I promise to continue to fulfill your Earthly mission.


May 29
May 20

And I don’t miss the East Coast seasons
But I miss my ma

Montana is beautiful but I miss my friends and family back home.

May 17
May 14

Everything happened so fast. Just two months ago I was drunkenly sobbing about letting all of them go, and three days ago that became a reality. We can all say it’s “see you later,” and not “goodbye,” but I know better. I have done this before. Distance makes maintaining relationships near damn impossible. I know this from my elementary school friends, where the only interaction we have years later is a FaceBook friend request or a <3 on Instagram. I know this from distant family members that say, “man, we wish you were driving through on your next road trip.” I know this from my most recent ex-boyfriend, who is too wrapped up in his present life to allow his past to reemerge.

This is what I fear. More than letting go, is not forgetting, but getting so caught up in the present that I lose my current self to my future self - someone that I don’t even know yet.

One of my last goodbyes was to a friend from high school. We reflected on our time together before college, and he told me, “J, you haven’t changed a bit.” I’m holding on to that, because I don’t want to change, not in that sense. Change means saying goodbye. I’m not ready to say that yet. It is words like these that keep me going. And it’s the total faith I put in my relationships, matched by the total faith of others, that increases their longevity. I’m holding on to what was, because it was and will forever be so beautiful.

And then there are people that enter your life abruptly and without a cause. You came out of nowhere, turning on to my street on your bike right as I was pulling out of my driveway. My heart is warm because we have been friends for four years and then, out of the blue, you tell me you have feelings for me. Mix CDs, forehead kisses, and stupid freshman year memories - I feel so naive. I am leaving for Montana and you are telling me you’ll be here when I get back. This is all too familiar, and I am falling into it. It’s not a trap, but it’s not freedom, either.

Here’s to the future.

May 14
On saying goodbye.

When I think about leaving gcsu behind, I feel like a mother that has lost her children. I’m scared, nervous, anxious, and relieved to be free. I’m really sad right now, so I put on a sombrero to make me feel better. It hasn’t done that yet. This is stupid.

May 5
Apr 22


Japan’s annual Kanamara Matsuri festival, aka the “Festival of the Steel Phallus.”

(Source: Getty Images)

pretty sure my mom went to this when we lived in Japan sooo…

(via dutchster)

Every day we wake up and continue our routine. Some of us drink coffee or tea, some water. We take a hot shower, we drive our cars to school and work, we shop at superstores, we go to the gym, we watch television. For the rest of the day, we become integrated into Earth’s web of complex processes and resources until we sleep; and to us, for that 6-8 hours of rest, we believe the world rests with us. But we are wrong: The Earth is constantly working. It is working to produce the coffee, sugar, and cream for your morning cup; the honey in your tea; the coal and natural gas used to rev your engines, heat your water, and drive your desire to be entertained. We are bored, and as a result, we manipulate the Earth for our benefit. This is what it is here for: to nurture us, and to provide a sense of comfort to our being; as such, we must appreciate its resilience, and we must never take it for granted. It is so very easy to get stuck in the mundane web of daily life. When you take a step back, though, and realize the wonder that surrounds each and every ounce of our being, you will never be bored. We don’t have to be scientists, hippies, or extreme liberal activists to be thankful for what our Earth provides us - we only have to be conscious, observant, and willing to make a change, no matter how small.

Apr 22
Apr 15

I drink for something when I’m nothing
I drink for nothing when it’s gone
And I feed the clouds, they are my shadow
‘Cause I have raised the cubs my self alone

Now there is somethin’ in the wild
Here is my weather of a killing kind